Self-Help-less: Why We Can Never Work Enough, Earn Enough, Buy Enough Or Impress Enough To Make Ourselves Happy An Unhelpful Guide From Your Buddy, Ri-..

Want to work harder and longer? Do you dream of how to effectively utilize the space within your cubicle?Want to make more money? Do you want a book that will make all your career goals come true? Then this is NOT the book for you. Dr. Richard Cranium pHd, BS, ADD, ADHD, CFS has consolidated decades of bitterness and snarky comments into one easy read. If you want the secrets of successful slacking, interoffice romance and integrated daydreaming, interspersed with hilarious stories and features about that thing we all love to hate: Work. As a bonus, you'll finally know how to effectively blame your parents for all your shortcomings, learn to envy the janitor, and resent your younger self. Never before has a more incomplete guide to attaining the American Dream been assembled in one place. Just touching this book will possibly cause your next review to drop three points.Just remember, it's not the venerable Dr. Richard Cranium's fault, he's just the messenger.Fun chapters include: Why was I so damn much smarter when I was seven years old?5A tale of two workers8Opening my eyes to my little "problem"12Work sucks and you shouldn't do it if at all possible17Why you are less valuable to your company than a Copy Machine22Why you will work your whole life to die in poverty27Do you deserve a raise? #%@& that, you're probably overpaid31Why you will never be in the top echelon of your company34Why you earn less than the CEO spends on a haircut37Why you should envy the Janitor42Salary slavery and why you can never work enough hours46The words we use when we want to look super smart50How to get promoted through ineptitude55Your parents lied to you, but in all fairness their parents lied to them58Why do I have to work with idiots?63Death in a cage and under fluorescent light67Doing the dirty with coworkers, and why it's awesome72Getting written up, warned and brought to Jesus76Education, or how to spend your parents money really fast81Why moving up means moving out85Self Delusionment - The path to career contentment88Non-Profit work - or how to get suckered into that scam90Invest your way to financial ruin97Starting your own business and why it's probably the worst idea you've ever had101Invent something, so you can get robbed105Are you passing your delusions to the next generation?108